Living Intentionally
Intentionally: By design; of purpose; not casually
If you know me, you know that I use this word a lot. I talk about being intentional. How I live intentionally. It’s a big thing for me. I don’t do things just because it’s what everyone does, or thinks I should do. I am intentional about making my choices, from my family to my business.
A big area of being intentional is in my time. And anyone who knows me or is around me knows that there are certain areas of my time I will not sacrifice for anyone. One is my alone time, time to recharge. I am an introvert, so I get my energy from not being around people. If I go too long being around a lot of people, having to be “on” I get a little grouchy. Fortunately I know this about myself and will INTENTIONALLY schedule a day “off”. My husband has even begun to recognize my mood shifting and will ask if I need a day off, or let me know he’s going golfing on Saturday...giving me a good part of the day off.
Another area of intentionality is my family. Spending quality time with my husband is very important. We are intentional about making our relationship a priority. And we will choose to be together, just us, over being with other people, including our extended family. Now that doesn’t always go over well with them, but we know that at the end of the day we are all we have. And that making our marriage a priority will & has paid off in the quality of our relationship.
If something is important to you, you will make time for it. It doesn’t matter what it is...work, family, friends, fun. The things that are most important to you will occupy your time. Now when I say that people don’t like it. I see it in their faces, their body language..they get defensive & shut down. Mostly because they know I’m right...but they try & make it like I don’t know what I’m talking about...especially when it comes to kids & family...since I don’t have kids, I don't understand. And they’re right, I don’t have kids, but I am a reasonably intelligent person and I’ve seen enough & read enough research to know what I’m saying has truth. Putting anything before your family means it is more important. And putting anything before your spouse means it’s more important than your marriage, that includes your kids.
Now we all have times, seasons, that consume more of our time & energy than we would like, but they have to be seasons. If it lasts more than 3 months it’s not a season. If it happens multiple times a year, it’s not a season. Then it becomes a way of life...and that is a choice. How many times have you heard this from someone: “I really need to do this (whatever it is) but I just don’t have time right now.” And a couple months later they are still complaining about whatever their problem is, but they still don’t have time to take steps to make the change. Or maybe you’ve been guilty of this??? Bottom line is that “thing” they need to do is not as important as the other things in their life. The proof is in the pudding as they say...
Living intentionally is not the popular way to be. It means having boundaries and our society has made that a negative, because having boundaries means saying “no”. And that might as well be a four letter word nowadays. But the only way to be truly successful and enjoy this life we’re in is to pour your energy into the things that truly matter and have some energy left at the end of the day. But you have to be intentional about those things.
Let’s look at that definition again: Intentionally: By design; of purpose; not casually
By design...means there is a plan
Of purpose...means there is thought behind what we do
Not casually...means we aren’t flying by the seat of our pants when it comes to our priorities
This does not mean you have to have your life so structured that there’s no room for impulse. Or that you have things so planned out that when life happens, you fall apart. I have swung too far that way too...I’m very type A, and I like structure in my life. The idea of flying by the seat of my pants makes my heart race...and not in a good way.
Also...I’m not judging anyone that has a crazy or hectic life all the time. That’s your choice. I just know that living that way does not work for me. But..if you constantly complain about things in your life...always going, going, going, unhappy marriage, never any time...don’t get angry when I point out the way you can change that.
So...what does living intentionally actually look like in a practical application? For me it’s a bunch of tools I use daily to keep distractions to a minimum.
I plan out our meals weekly. Then I try to shop for only what we need that week. That’s not saying I won’t stock up on certain things when there’s a good sale...pasta, meat, things like that. But every day I can look up on my wall and know what I need to do for dinner. Meat to take out, start something in the crockpot, whatever. This way grocery shopping is only an hour or less each week, and I can jump right into dinner prep when I get home, instead of stressing about what to cook each day.
I use my planner/calendar. Most people advise against using multiple calendar tools, but this is what works for me. I have a paper planner that I put things in, including my personal to-do lists each day. I also have my calendar on my phone, and it includes my husband’s calendar and our family calendar.
I use the do not disturb feature on my phone. So from 10pm-7am no notifications come through unless they are from my husband, mom, or sister. That doesn’t mean I don’t scroll through Facebook at 11 at night to unwind, but emails aren’t showing up unless I actually go into my email.
I have a task list specifically for my business. It’s in my CRM so I’m able to integrate it with my client to-do’s. But it’s separate from my personal to-do list.
I use a CRM. This keeps all my client info in one location. And I can quickly & easily see where any are in the on-boarding process, or payment schedule, or their specific projects. And I use the automation features in this software...
I use filters & folders in my email. That way I know where to find specific emails without getting lost in the jumble of random emails that come through each day. I also use an unsubscribing software that helps keep the junk emails to a minimum.
I use an email delay sending software, so when my insomnia is acting up and I am working at midnight, sending emails, my clients don’t know it. They get the email at 9 in the morning, like a normal person.
And basically I’ve gotten over feeling guilty for telling someone “no.” When your kids want to join a 3rd sport or activity...no, spending time as a family is important…. When you girlfriends want a night out...no, I haven’t had quality time with my family this week. When extended family wants to have dinner, again...no, we’ve been with other people for dinner 4 nights this week, we need to be home as a family for a few nights. And let your no be no. Don’t apologize. And don’t feel you have to immediately plan a different time to do their thing. Be ok with creating margin.
Now sometimes we look at the chaos in our life and think there is no way to make it all go away without faking our death and moving to another country. But this is an area where it’s simple to be intentional about our priorities. Delegate! Find someone that is doing the “thing” better than you and ask for their help, or ask them to fix yours and give it back to you all better. Now obviously you can give them your family for a week & get them back all prim & proper...but you can turn over your email for a week and let them set up the filters and folders you need to stay organized. You can hire someone to set up a CRM for you with some automations that will keep you on top of your client management, without it consuming every hour of your day.
But again all of these are choices..you have to decide to be intentional about your priorities. If your family is truly important to you, then don’t wait another day to tame the craziness that keeps you from giving them your best.
Thank you!